Toxic.

The older I've become the more I've thought about the people and friendships I have had throughout my life. Some friends have made it, some have not. Some people I know genuinely want the best for me and would support me in whatever I decided to do, and some..well they simply wouldn't. These people might act friendly and supportive to your face, but once you turn around the reality is different. These people can be described as toxic, and I thought I'd write down a few signs how to recognise a potentially toxic person in your life. The word 'toxic' literally means 'poisonous', which is what these kind of people can be in the worst case.

1) They are selfish. 

Toxic person will only think about their own feelings, their own emotions and their own reactions to things. They like to talk about themselves, highlighting their own achievements, their own feelings and their own life situations, while understating yours. They might ask you "how are you doing?" only to get the conversation started and while you are telling about your recent tricky work situation, they will remember a story from 5 years ago when they went through something similar. 

2) They need to be right. 

Having an argument with a toxic person is a battle that you will lose, regardless who is actually right or wrong. It is pretty much impossible for them to admit that they are wrong and they will argue their point across until you will just give up and let it go. They can't handle criticism well and get easy upset if you point out something that is not correct in what they are doing. 

3) There's always some sort of  drama in their life. 

Whether their purse got stolen on a night out, they got food poisoning on the day of a big exam or their boyfriend broke up with them for the fifth time this month, there is always something. They seem to be the unluckiest people on the planet and they make sure everyone hears about their dramatic life turns and gives them sympathy. They thrive on drama and the reactions they get from people while telling their dramatic stories and the attention they receive for it. 

4) They lie. 

This one is simple. Whether the lies are big or small, toxic people lie. They lie either to get attention, to get away from an uncomfortable situation or just to hurt people around them. 

5) They are too eager. 

This one will work in relationships, friendships or even in business partnership. They're too keen on achieving something, they're too excited about you and are putting too much pressure on the people around them. Relationships and friendships take time to build and too much eagerness will not help.

6) They're always the victim.

 No matter what is it, it is not their fault. If they were late for work, it is because their wife forgot to set their alarm clock. If they got a lot of questions wrong in their exam, it is because the professor didn't explain that matter in a simple way. While most people do this at least sometimes and it is pretty normal, for toxic people it becomes a pattern that just repeats itself through everything.

7) They don't have anything nice to say about other people. 

Let's face it, everyone b*tches about others sometimes, there's no denial about that. While a normal person might point out one or two negative things about someone else, they will also find positive sides from the same person. For toxic people, not so much. For them it's much easier to put a person down and list bad features about them, without shame. These people also act friendly to your face, but once you turn your back their opinion changes.

8) They don't let go. 

If something goes wrong for them, they'll dwell on it for days and days. They'll always find a way to bring the topic back to the same old situation where they were treated wrong. Some things are meant to be put in the past and left behind, well most things eventually, but not for toxic people. They will remember how 3 years ago you called them by a bad name in a heated conversation, even though you apologised for it on the same day.

9) They avoid things and are evasive. 

Ask a serious question from a toxic person and they will beat around bush until you've got so confused with their answer that you forgot about the question in the first place. They will do whatever they can in their might to avoid being confronted about something and giving direct answers. Usually the answer, if you end up getting one from them, ends up being a lie that they scraped together in their head while babbling on about unnecessary things in order to avoid having to tell the truth.

After reading all these, you can't help but think of how do you deal with this kind of toxic person in your life then? Simplest answer would probably be just get rid of them, but unfortunately it doesn't always work like that, sometimes you just are stuck with a person, whether it is family, partner, or a co worker. There are few things you can do, in order to support yourself and not letting a toxic person take control of you.

 

• You need to know your boundaries and stick to them - don't let a toxic person make you do or say things you don't feel comfortable doing or saying. 

• Keep records of anything that is decided with this type of person - this mostly goes for the working world, for business partners and co workers, or clients. 

• Be polite and honest. Even if the person you're dealing with might not be either one of these, don't let yourself fall down to their level, but instead be the bigger person so they can't have anything against you. 

• Watch what you tell them. Secrets, personal matters, confidential topics.. If you don't want them to be able to use something against you or you don't want the whole neighbourhood to know about, don't confide in a toxic person.

• Don't always be the shoulder to cry on, or the garbage can where they pour all their sh*t into. Negativity is contagious. If you only listen to the negative stories from their life and the bad stuff, you'll soon start thinking that way yourself and finding positive sides of your own life becomes increasingly more difficult.

• Be firm and stand your ground. If you know you are right, don't let them make you think anything else of it. Don't let them manipulate you and change the way you truly are. This is the hardest one of all of these, in my opinion, especially in a relationship. You have to know who you are and not them affect your own personality.

All these points that I mentioned are just a drop in the ocean in the lives of toxic people, but it is somewhere to start at least if you feel like you're dealing with someone who is not 100% good for you. Life is too short to be suffering because of someone else, especially if you have tried to address it more than once and they didn't take any notes from that. I'm not telling you to necessarily get rid of these type of people in your life, but once you recognise some of these features you might want to help them to notice it themselves too and encourage them to make a change. Whether it works or not, that's a completely different matter.

At the end of the day, if you cut them off it is because they handed you the scissors.